Hi there!
My body aches, but it’s my mind that’s in pain. I read somewhere that cry can be therapeutic; now I ponder if pain is too.
Oops! I forgot to introduce myself and to welcome you to this space. I don’t know the extent to which I will write, but I have always wanted to share my thoughts, fears, and quest to find fulfillment, and sometimes, all I want to do is vent! If you come across my writing, know that reading through is you taking your time to listen to the ramblings of a disorganized mind. I hope you find something interesting as you read through it. You’re welcome to share this space with me. My name is Jonah, and I am a learner.
It has never been easy for me to make decisions; I find it hard to make up my mind; I also overthink and reject most of all the ideas that pop up. I think, I plan, but just before execution, I do another round of thinking, and boom!, off goes the idea. Expressing myself through writing was particularly distressing. For several years, I toiled with the idea of writing. Still, I never thought I was good enough, nor that I could do it, so writing this post this evening, is to me, a victory — I’ll celebrate this by spraying an extra pint of perfume when I go out tomorrow morning.
Going back to the reason for the discomfort. I’m in between jobs, I resigned from my job on the 30th of October, and I haven’t gotten a new gig. Now, you’re probably thinking, “but he’s not the only unemployed person…”. My previous job was nice, I enjoyed working there and made friends with many people, but the pay wasn’t great. The role was very demanding that it was difficult to create time for other things, not impossible though. Less than three months since my resignation, I have started a lot of things, photography, programming, and now writing. These are my hobbies, and I hope to be able to rake incomes from them in the no-distant future. Need I remind you that I am an engineer, who have designed a few, and managed several projects. Still, in this clime, I am a newcomer; an internationally (LOL) trained professional who needs to prove his competency, get licensed, and hopefully get employed. The journey to licensing is not a walk in the park but not insurmountable. When the time is right, I hope to write about the experience.
I’m without funds. I need to start earning money; this thought made me start looking at what we call ‘survival jobs’, which I’ve realized are more than that. In my opinion, a job that enables one to get a mortgage is more than just a survival job. Anyways, I got the offer to help paint a basement apartment, and I jumped on it. How hard can it be? I asked, I spent my career overseeing people doing exactly that and related tasks, and I picked up some skills along the way. I arrived the work-site with enthusiasm, which soon disappeared when it occurred that the surface wasn’t prepared yet. The following 10 hours were spent sounding, painting, unloading, and setting laminate floor panels. I did my job dutifully and as meticulously as I would want it done as a supervisor, and it felt good.
The happy feeling that comes with accomplishment was short-lived. I got into the washroom, looked in the mirror, and was met with a terrifying reflection of me. Red eyes, a swollen face covered in white POP particles, weak limbs, and joints made observing my salat difficult; I eventually dragged myself to bed, missed tahajud and even fajr (Sad!). Yet, my body aches, and I feel unhappy, but I gained some clarity. I need to start earning money to live a comfortable and meaningful life; however, I should be careful not to wreck this fragile vessel by engaging in physical activities that are too demanding. That experience has made me appreciate more all of the craftsmen I’ve worked with, their efforts made us look good but hardly do they get any credit other than weekly wage and December bonus. I feel so unaccomplished and the fear of failing has held me back from going after many things. The pain I felt last night, as well as the realization that the real failure lies in the lack of attempt propelled me to do this. I don’t know where am headed but I refuse to be stagnant.
I was made to understand that people get strength from their partner’s massage after a day’s job. Had I gotten a massage, writing this piece would probably not happen(laughs).
I’ve lost track of my thoughts; I forgot to mention this trait in the introductory paragraph. I will continue later, hopefully soon. I hope to take you with me on my search for fulfillment. Thank you for reading thus far; kindly like and comment to share your suggestion(s).
